Jeanette Brimner explains how illnesses of her children and her husband affected how they coped with family and the changes they had to make.
‘Your baby has pyloric stenosis,’ the specialist announced, after he had examined our second son, six-week-old Bryan. ‘The valve between the stomach and the small intestine has become too thick with muscle, and it is blocking the food. We’ll need to operate to correct the situation.’
Over the weekend, baby Bryan had been unable to keep anything down, and we were worried that he was going to become dehydrated. His persistent projectile vomiting was a symptom that our baby was in trouble, and my husband Jim and I were grateful that a relatively safe operation could rectify the situation and prevent him from starving to death.
Just the beginning
Little did we know that this was just the beginning of our struggle with several health issues regarding our four children.
Our eldest son, Keith, developed asthma when he was a toddler, while Bryan suffered severe allergies. When both were still very young, they had to be taken regularly to our family doctor each Saturday morning to receive allergy shots. After pricking them, the kind nurse always awarded their bravery with a prize, which helped make their weekly ritual more bearable.
We had to make adjustments to our environment because of the allergies the two children had. I mopped Keith’s room every day with a damp mop to help keep his asthma under control, and we could not allow the children to have a dog or cat as a pet for fear of a reaction. But we also knew parents who were dealing with more serious issues, such as cystic fibrosis, so we were thankful that our children were healthy most of the time.
Paediatric ward
Then, when he was six weeks old, our third boy, Scott, also developed pyloric stenosis and needed an operation. Unfortunately, when he was five, he required another procedure which was needed to remove scar tissue that had built up. This, we were told, rarely ever happens!
During those difficult years, we became familiar with the paediatric ward, as various problems emerged. Sometimes, emergency trips were needed, as when Keith’s asthma raged out of control. We jokingly called the children’s ward our second home, as we gradually became familiar with its cheerful staff and colourful surroundings.
Since our relatives lived far away, we had to cope as best we could whenever a child was hospitalised. During the Christmas season, when the oldest boy, Keith, was five, he was admitted to the hospital with a mysterious illness that had been plaguing him for several days. I was due to have our fourth child any time, but managed to visit Keith every day. At least, I thought, I would be in the right place if I went into labour!
Much to cope with
One Saturday afternoon, while Jim was staying at home with the other children, Keith and I made homemade Christmas decorations. We hung them on the tree when we finally arrived home. Occasions like this gave us time to get to know each other, and it was one of the rare occasions when I could give total individual attention to my oldest child.
Looking back now, I wonder how we managed to cope with so much illness. The relationship Jim and I had with each other helped greatly. Jim and I loved each other very much and, as writer Bernie Wietre says, ‘loving relationships are a family’s best protection against the challenges of the world’.
Jim and I helped and encouraged each other when a child was sick, and we made sure that as soon as the latest ordeal was over we would hire a babysitter and escape for a few hours, just to relax and be alone together.
On one occasion, however, when we went to a restaurant a few days after seven-year-old Bryan had had his tonsils out, we were paged during dinner to return home immediately. He had begun to feel blood trickling down his throat. Luckily, he did not need a transfusion, since the bleeding was stopped in time.
Change in lifestyle
When Jim was a young boy he was struck by an illness that eventually resulted in severe arthritis in his hip. When he reached his early forties the disease was causing such severe pain that he had to have a hip replacement. I was lucky to have my Aunt Helen stay with us for a few weeks to babysit and give us moral support.
A few years later, Jim had a mild heart attack. I remember how terrified I was that I would lose him. After that, he and I became closer than ever. I helped him to adopt a healthier lifestyle, and he learned to relax and deal better with stress.
Deepened relationship
After Jim’s heart attack, we both began to take life less for granted. Since then, I’ve become much more tolerant of Jim’s few faults, and savour the good times we have together. Our marriage has become even stronger as a result.
Now that the children are grown and are living their own lives, Jim and I have deepened our friendship. Although he still works, he hopes to retire soon, so that we can spend more time together doing things we enjoy.
Strength and grace
When two people get married, they have no idea what time has in store for them, but they needn’t worry, for God will give them the strength to deal with whatever comes their way. St. Rose of Lima said, ‘The gifts of grace increase as the struggles increase’. I know from experience that that’s true.
Jim and I learned from the beginning of our relationship that putting God first was wise, for we automatically turned to him when trials – such as illness tested our love. God has never let us down, and our union has been strengthened by the bouts of sickness and the other trials that have come our way during our married life. I’ve no doubt that he is there to guide and comfort every married couple who place their trust in him!
This article first appeared in The Messenger (November 2004), a publication of the Irish Jesuits.
