Carmel Wynne warns that the problem of teenage drinking is exacerbated by the bad example of adults and by peer pressure, and she insists that this matter should be taken very seriously.
If you are the parent of a teenager, do you know what his or her attitude is to alcohol? Do you drink yourself, and if so, are you teaching by example? Our children do what they see us doing rather than what we tell them to do. On reflection, would you say you are teaching your son or daughter to have a responsible attitude towards the drug alcohol?
Teenagers binge-drinking
There are very few families nowadays where both parents are teetotal. Adolescents mirror that trend, and the majority are drinking years before they are legally old enough to be served in a pub. This is a most worrying trend because the number of young people who drink to excess is very high. We are all familiar with the radio advertisement that tells us that one third of 15-year-olds binge drink at weekends.
That is an incredibly disturbing statistic. What makes it even more troubling is the attitude of young people to drunkenness. The majority see nothing odd about going out at the weekend to get ‘locked’, ‘hammered’, or ‘legless’. I am not saying that all teenagers go out to get drunk because they don’t. A small number don’t drink alcohol at all. A high percentage have never actually been drunk, but have acted as if they were.
A group of transition year students I worked with recently mirror the common attitudes of second level students to alcohol. I have changed names as promised to protect their anonymity. Fifteen-year-old Sharon, said, “Women are shy or like to act that way. So they get drunk to act braver. They know when they start drinking what they want or what they are trying to achieve.”
Not always the guy’s fault
Alan, a I7-year-old, had this to say: “Girls are always blaming lads and saying they are only out for one thing. That’s not fair. We’re not all going to take advantage of women who are drunk. But girls are pure randy when they’re full, and they want sex. So, we’re not the only ones.”
Liam, from the same group said, “Girls can’t; handle drink. They hunt in packs and don’t stop till they get what they want. And then they want commitment. And if you turn them down, they snap.”
Invited to explain what he and his friends understood by ‘commitment,’ Liam said lads feel cramped when pushed into a relationship. There are two types of commitment, he said. The first is when both people are committed but have space. The second is when there is a totalitarianism, and you have to be with her 24/7. That is shorthand for being with her 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Girls freely admit that the’ majority of young female teenagers know what is going to happen if they get drunk and, in some cases, want it to happen. Emma, a very mature 16-year-old, said, “Women think that men are responsible, and take advantage of them when they are drunk. But it’s an excuse for girls if they are drunk. When girls are drunk, they are more forward but lads are the same. If a fella doesn’t like a girl, he should let her down gently and not be ignorant about it.”
Are you concerned about this? If you’re the parent of a teenager, you should be. We may not be talking about your son or daughter, but we are talking about a culture of alcohol abuse that is putting pressure on your child. Never underestimate the influence of peer pressure, and how powerful it is in encouraging young people to drink more than they can handle.
Openness and honesty
When I work with teenagers, I’m always impressed by their openness and honesty. They don’t have the hang ups my generation had. Hardly anyone feels guilty about behaviour that would have had my generation cringing with shame. Girls talk openly about being with lads when they are drunk that they would not look at when they are sober. They are extremely honest, and will admit that they use being drunk as a way of avoiding responsibility for their own actions.
A challenge for parents who want to keep their teenagers safe is to find out what the expectations of their children’s peers are. This is not an easy task. For two reasons. First, adolescents will want to protect themselves and their freedom to go out, so they are likely to minimise the extent of the drinking of their peers. Second, the majority don’t know what the real situation is because a lot of young people lie and claim to drink far more than they do.
What percentage of teenagers drink
If I go into a class of teenagers in the morning, and ask them to put a percentage on the number of young people in their own age group who are drinking, they will tell me 95-100 per cent. I write these figures up on a corner of the blackboard and move on to other issues. In the afternoon, when we have built up the atmosphere of confidentiality that makes it safe for young people to be real with me, I invite them to be courageous. By that time, I have established a rapport with the group, and they will be confident that whatever they say will be treated by me in a respectful way.
“How many of you here don’t drink,” I ask casually. There are always a few in every class who don’t. “Be honest with me,” I invite them. “How many of you here do not go drinking every weekend?” Maybe 15-20 per cent will put up their hands. There is always a hard core that go out every weekend to get drunk, and a larger number who go out to have fun and a few laughs. In some families, their parents know and don’t mind as long as they don’t come home legless. In other families, where parents disapprove, the young people are very good at hiding their inebriation.
There is a perception among young people that everyone is drinking, that it is the cool thing to do. When I invite them to comment on their response to the non-drinkers, the reactions are usually very positive: “Fair play to them.”
Attitude problem
Some teenagers who drink have an attitude problem. They act as if they are not responsible for their own behaviour. They say things like, “It just happened.” This kind of fuzzy thinking needs to be challenged. Getting drunk doesn’t just happen unless the person concerned puts too much alcohol into his or her system. Maybe there is an excuse the first time someone drinks to excess. They couldn’t be aware of the effect drink would have on them. I’d even make an excuse for someone not judging well and getting under the weather a second time. After that, if they get inebriated, they need to take responsibility, and acknowledge that they chose to allow this to happen.
It is not only foolish but most irresponsible of a parent to allow a son or daughter to go to a teenage party without checking whether they are expected to bring a six pack or a bottle.
When teens have too much to drink, things can get out of control very quickly. Often a young person gets permission to have a few friends over while the parents are away. Those friends arrive with a stash of alcohol. Why? The belief is widespread that to enjoy yourself, you must have a few cans. As a nation, we use alcohol to lubricate every celebration of a rite of passage from the cradle to the grave. Isn’t it only to be expected that our young people will do the same?
This article first appeared in
Reality (May 2002), a publication of the Irish Redemptorists.
