Carmel Wynne urges parents to take direct action to protect their children from television programmes with inappropriate sexual content.
I never tire of saying that parenting is one of the toughest yet most rewarding jobs any person can have. It’s particularly difficult for parents who want to pass on their moral values. There is no denying that we live in a permissive society in which it has become nearly impossible to protect the innocence of the young.
Parents can no longer decide when to give young people timely information. The media do it for them. Sexually explicit images are used to sell, and the message that sex sells is understood by adolescents. Many parents are concerned that teenagers are exposed to pressures and influences they themselves never had to cope with.
Sexually explicit programmes
What we are now learning is that younger children themselves recognise that the content of some of the television programmes they watch is too sexually explicit. Last November, a report commissioned in the UK by bodies such as the Broadcasting Standards Commission, the Independent Television Commission and the BBC, looked at how children interpreted sex in the media. It found that a majority of children (two thirds) believed they had seen TV shows or videos with too much sexual content. Yet only 36 per cent opted to stop watching.
The report found that children are embarrassed by some of the programmes they watch with their parents. But very few said their parents sent them out of the room. I suspect this is because many parents think that sexy scenes go over the heads of innocent children, that children don’t understand what is happening on screen. Let me enlighten any parents who believe this fallacy. Children know exactly what’s going on.
If a parent gets embarrassed and quickly changes the station, the child senses the adult’s discomfort. He or she believes the parent has some kind of problem. But if the parent, when changing the channel, says something like, “I don’t want you watching adults behaving in this way,” or “I feel upset when people behave like this in public,” the message the child picks up is different. Statements like these alert the child to behaviour that is unacceptable.
Soaps as teachers on relationships
Even very young children are more discerning than many parents realise. Leading soaps Eastenders and Coronation Street were mentioned by some of the children in the study. They reported that these programmes helped to clarify issues around relationships. A serious question many parents would benefit from asking is “Do I want television soaps to play a major role in what my child learns about family and couple relationships?”
Two-thirds of children have seen TV shows which they thought had “too much sex.” I suspect that an Irish study of the same age group would produce similar results. Isn’t it interesting that 9-12-year-olds find the media as useful as their mothers for finding out about sex and relationships?
TV, newspapers and magazines were thought to be far more helpful than fathers in exploring such issues. Only 34 per cent thought dads were a useful source, while 66 per cent thought mums and the media were.
A study done in the Midland Health Board area in this country a few years ago found that 69 per cent of teenagers aged 16-18 claimed to get most of their information about sex from the media.
Children cannot be protected from media influences
Many parents pay lip service to the desire to keep their child innocent for as long as possible, and give information only when they think it’s necessary. Unfortunately, that is no longer possible in today’s world. Children simply cannot be protected from media influences that give explicit sexual information that they find both fascinating and disturbing at the same time.
Children are interested in adult issues once puberty starts. This can be as early as nine or 10 years for a girl and a year or two later for a boy. After hormonal activity begins, young people become naturally curious about sex, and who does what and how long it lasts. Twelve-year-olds, who can talk knowledgeably about conjoined twins, will also ask questions like, “If you have sex for one hour, do you get one baby and if it lasts two, do you get twins?”
Young boys who have not yet reached puberty need parental protection in our modern world. They are often under pressure from girls who are far more mature. Boys don’t have the social skills to deal with a gaggle of young girls who are anxious to set up a young lad with a girl who fancies him.
Valentine’s day pressures
Valentine’s day gives young people opportunities they are only too eager to exploit. Young girls can be under pressure from other girls to kiss a boyfriend. A great deal of early kissing – what they call meeting, snogging, shifting, tonsil hockey, eating the face off, and other such terms – happens because of peer group coercion.
Saint Valentine’s day has always allowed young people to be flirtatious, and no parent or teacher wants to put a damper on innocent fun. However, a wise parent will be sensitive to the pressures, joys and disappointments that are stimulated by amorous cards and texts or by their absence.
Importance of parental supervision
Parental supervision is the single biggest factor in protecting young people from being coerced into premature sexual activity. An MRBI poll published in The Irish Times in September 2003 found that many sexually active teenage girls talk to their mothers about their intimate relationships. If you’re not aware of your child’s attitudes to couple relationships and the behaviour that she or he accepts as the norm, you may have a communication problem.
The media promulgate a lot of confused messages about couple love. The belief is widespread that if you’re a teenager in love, you will show that love through physical intimacy. That’s what happens on TV shows, and those media influences powerfully affect young people’s expectations.
If you’re a parent and that is not the message you want your young people to have, you need to discuss your own beliefs and values. I’m not saying that this will be easy – but it is essential.
A great beginning to a conversation is to talk about your own personal experience. “I remember when I was your age” is guaranteed to get attention. I suspect that many parents will be pleasantly surprised by the response.
In the British study, almost two-thirds – 64% of children – who said there was too much sexual content on TV continued to watch. I think that is really interesting because it mirrors the attitudes in many homes. The television is permanently on, the content of programmes is not monitored, and children are allowed to watch adult programmes that may make them feel uncomfortable. I’m reminded of a lovely sentence of Anthony de Mello: “Forced flowers have no fragrance. Forced fruit will lose its taste.”
Parents know where to find the solution. There is a little switch on the television that allows it to be turned off. It seems that children intuitively know when the screen in the corner is showing age-inappropriate material. Imagine their relief when a parent takes charge and responds by removing the offending images. It’s a very effective way for a parent to protect the innocence of a child.
This article first appeared in
Reality (February, 2004), a publication of the Irish Redemptorists.
