Jean Elliot looks back with great joy on her many years of parenting.
Now that my youngest son is about to be confirmed, I realise that I have come to the end of an era. National School days are at last over for my family. The Holy Spirit and God’s blessed Mother have been there for me at all times and have guided me through all that has come my way over the years.
Seeds of Love
Back in 1968 when my husband and I were married, having a son never dawned on me. A daughter, yes, because being the eldest of my family, I innocently expected that my first child would be a girl.
Three weeks before the baby was due, I thought to myself: It could be that God has decided to bless me with a boy! And so it was.
I wondered how I was going to fend for and love this wonderful being which God had entrusted to me. There was no need to worry, because love just flowed naturally. It was as if my son had always been around.
God had already provided what was needed. My husband and I had come from loving and sharing families, and so the seeds of love were ready to flower when the baby arrived.
All Boys
Time passed. Sons two to eight duly arrived, and not a single girl! God fits the back for the road to be travelled, as the saying goes, and so it was. Baby to be fed, home to be run, exercises to be supervised, sport and prayers to be catered for, etc.
My husband was always loving and thoughtful, providing all we needed, giving of his time and energy. He is a caring father, firm but always approachable where the boys are concerned. For us, parenting is a shared work of love. Just as God provides for the lilies of the fields, God equipped us as father and mother for the tasks to be done. The extended family and friends, both old and new, have also helped through their interest and support.
The Task of Rearing
Rearing sons was and is a wonderful experience. There have been joys and sadnesses, but, if I am truthful, mostly the times were happy. It is, however, hard going trying to keep in touch with the world today, doing your best to instil into each one the virtues of respect, honesty, patience and love. You let them know your moral standards; you hope they’ll listen, and that in God’s good time they’ll understand. When they come to see for themselves what is right to do, then parenting is most worthwhile.
Keeping a family in tow is a full time job, but I should say here that good teachers and schools have played a big part in forming our sons into the people they are today. We try to get them never to give up on themselves and to have hope at all times. And we have always managed to discuss matters with them, thus leaving the way open for them to be able to come to us, whenever they need to. As Jesus says; ‘Suffer the little children to come to me.’
Sad Times
One of our sons died at the tender age of twelve days. I offered him up to God our Father and I have cherished every day I had with him. He is always spoken about openly within the family, and he is our own special guardian angel. How privileged I was to have given birth to him. That was 1979, the year that Pope John Paul came to Ireland.
Other sadnesses have included the deaths of our parents and of friends who had walked the road to Emmaus with us. The pain of their loss was eased by the Holy Spirit who worked through our friends’ kindness to us in our grief. Time and love healed the wounds.
Girls at Last!
Two of my sons now have girlfriends. Please God at some time in the future they will become family, and I shall have gained two daughters!
I have always encouraged my sons to treat girls with kindness and respect, and I feel that since there have been no girls in the house, I have to show the way.
To date, if I were to count up each child’s years of schooling and college, the total comes to a hundred and seven years, and more to come in the time ahead, please God. I hope to live to see all the boys reared and walking in God’s ways. This is still a long way off, but God has me and mine in the palm of his hand, as is said, so I don’t worry. Halve the hundred and seven years, add four more and you have my age.
Prayer
I believe that the Sacred Heart has played a big role in my life, helping me to pray always before I make a decision, and helping me, too, to believe in myself. I was a daily Mass goer but find that it is not easy to continue so these days. Attending Mass always gives me spiritual and inner peace: I always come out happier, and this gives a great start to the day.
From time to time I make space to read the Bible. I have always been blessed with very good health, a bonus which has enabled me to get through the good and the hard years.
Looking Back in Gratitude
Now, thirty two years down the road of parenting, I look back and remember the lovely times we have shared as a family. Births, holidays, Easter, Christmas, First Communions and Confirmations, Graduations, Debs, Sport, and so on. I remember, too, the love the boys show, the way they are with others, and their many friends. Also the paths on which life has taken them. It is in all this that I see God’s perfection. As he says: ‘I have taken and formed you; I know every detail of your being.’
He does know them fully, from babies to boys playing football, to youths loving music, discos and sport, to young men learning the ways of life.
Yes, I have been specially blessed by the Holy Spirit who has entrusted these precious youths to me. Only with the help of that Spirit can we succeed in what God wants us to do.
In closing, I want to say that I love each one of my children dearly and see God’s love and gifts in each one of them in different ways. I sincerely hope that each one will have happiness and peace of mind throughout their lives.
This articles first appeared in the
Messenger, a publication of the Irish Jesuits.
